Fall has arrived, the cool weather has begun, leaves are changing color, it's a beautiful season. And yet there is this part of me that always gets sad when fall arrives. I guess it's because I watch as the leaves fall off the trees and it makes think they're dying. I know they aren't actually, and I know that it's just a season of their life and in a few months they'll be beautiful and lively again.
I've begun the process of looking into taking fitness next year, and my first step is catching up on some high school sciences. I knew I should have taken them. Oh well. So I'm not quite sure if I'm going to do adult learning or what yet, anyone have an suggestions??
So it's fitting that a new season is just starting, because a new season in my life is just starting. Last night I had a bit of a break down. Just because life has changed SO much.
I'll tell you guys but you're going to think I'm being pathetic.
First of all the girl I thought was my best friend starting dating a friend of ours. Which is cool, I don't really care if they date or not. BUT she didn't tell me, I found out they were dating through facebook. I truly thought we were best friends, and we shared important things with each other. But she didn't even tell me she liked him. If fact the week before they dated we were talking and she said she'd never date the guy. I felt betrayed. Maybe I made a big deal out of nothing. But we've hardly spoken since she started dating the guy. And to be honest I'm not really sure what I'd have to say to her. If she doesn't trust me with her life, can I trust her with mine?
To be honest ever since I've gotten back to school I've just been lonely. My crew of friends who hung out all the time last year... we're never together anymore. And I know i could just make new friends but part of me doesn't want to. I feel like everytime I get a solid group of friends something happens and we're not friends anymore and I have to start all over again. I'm tired of starting my life over. I just want some consistency in my life. I just want to know that the people I pour out my heart to are still going to be there the next month. I'm tired of feeling lonely, and feeling like I don't have a place where I belong.
Yet in the midst of this, I know I'm not alone. God really is here with me, and I know my life could be a billion times worse than what it is. Just sometimes the hurt of your own life seems so great that it's hard to keep everything in perspective.
But just like fall and winter last only I part of the year, I know that this season will not continue forever. It's just for a time.
Infinate x's and o's
-A
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