I know you probably all thought I died or something because its been so long since I wrote. Well the truth is I am alive so you can all stop panicking.
So contrary to what the title of this blog says my life is actually going really well. My last entry I wrote about how my mom had been diagnosed with skin cancer. Well she had surgery and the doctors believe they removed it all but she will continue to go for check ups just to be sure. I am so grateful to God that he was with my mom through this time.
I finished last semester well and received all B+ or A's so I am very pleased with that. I am a bit of a perfectionist so I'm disappointed I didn't receive all A's but I also know that I am happy with the marks I received.
Christmas time was fantastic, I went to Florida with my family and just enjoyed some time away, and then the rest of Christmas break was spent relaxing. Then I returned to school this semester and moved into my first apartment. It has been quite the adjustment for me. You have to understand I love people so much, so living on campus for me was the best because I was with people ALL THE TIME. So there have been times this semester I have felt really lonely, just adjusting to not being around people all the time anymore. But I live with three incredible women and I love them and they're so great! And I'm really happy I get to live with them. So far school is going well this semester and I think I am going to really enjoy all my classes.
So... if everything is going to great why is my entry talking about how life is hard?
Well.. because its true. Sure if you were to look at my life it looks great. It looks like everything is going so well. I have it all together. But I think everyone can act. Everyone can pretend life is going well. But what is actually going on inside?
If everything is going well, why is it I keep having nightmares every night about someone I care about dying? Or myself dying?
If everything is going well, why is it I still feel like I'm going through life alone?
Why am I faced with tough decisions where there doesn't seem to be a right answer, or at least an answer where no one gets hurt?
Why does it feel like as I gain one friend I lose three?
Well I've come to the conclusion that although overall I'm doing alright, and life really isn't so bad and a lot of people have it a lot harder than me, that life is still just hard.
I watched Remember the Titans the other day and Coach Boone was talking with his wife and she says to him, "sometimes life is just hard, for no reason at all".
And I think thats where I'm at. Sometimes life is just hard, sometimes you're faced with hard decisions and hard situations and you're thinking to yourself WHY! Why am I facing this? Why do I have to go through this? And the answer sucks, but its the truth, sometimes life is hard for absolutely no reason at all.
So I want to encourage you guys, whatever hard situation/decision you are facing today, you are not alone. There is a world of people feeling the same way you do. And just so you know it is okay to not be okay. It's okay to not have your whole life together. My quote for today which is helping me get through this is "do not give up what you want most, for what you want now". I know that in the moment life can seem tempting, but remember your dreams for your life and keep moving towards those.
Infinite x's and o's
-A
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